Whilst reading this post please imagine violin music playing!!!

Oh dear I have hardly had time lately to breathe , last week was supposed to be our new start , I got a great new job and got tough with little man with his sleeping and I was so positive about moving forward and getting us sorted and then it all began to go wrong!

So the first day of my new job was OK, I had been so excited to get out of the call centre and start this job doing something I love, no more shifts just plain old 9 til 5 Monday to Friday...... except I do not fit in at all at the new place so it seems! The people so far are not friendly at all and it is very uncomfortable to be there, however I thought this is a hurdle I can get over and so the killing them with kindness mission began, I am now in the second week and my smile is fading, its lonely not having a team to talk to and get involved these guys are going to be tough cookies to crack , so any tips on making buddies are welcome!! I have never had this problem before!!!
Next I found out that the new place gets paid mid month and guess what everyone...... I started on payday!!! So I have no wage this month and my massive nursery fees, rent, car insurance and all the other bills are due to be paid on Thursday!!! Nightmare what the heck am I gunna do??? I could cry!!!
To make matters worse this week me and my boyfriend been struggling we both have kids and we don't live together and sometimes when I need some TLC or support from him he doesn't seem to have enough left to give after worrying about his own situation (can anyone hear my violin playing yet).

On a more positive note my little man has slept in his own room and has only woken once a night for the last 3 nights am sooo chuffed it has only taken 3 and a half years!!! I just desperately hope he keeps it up as everything is easier to tackle when you have had sleep!!

So everyone in a nutshell it has been a rubbish week n a bit but I refuse to give in , I will go to work full time and earn my own money and I will overcome the hostilities at work, I will try harder with my man to fit into his life better and not depend so much on his emotional back up , but I would welcome any suggestions on sorting my money crisis out for the next month or so , guess a birthday drink at the weekend is off the cards!!!

I promise my next post will be bright, positive and funny when I have found myself again!! xx

Resistance is futile and so am giving up on getting any kind of sleep tonight

The first night in a very long time little man has stayed asleep, just to give a clear picture the usual routine on night time in my house is chill out quiet time in pyjamas with a drink and weetabix, then upstairs teeth brushed, face washed and bedtime story in bed nothing unusual there..... until all hell breaks loose!!! . As soon as I leave the room he is up , he screams and when returned to his bed he fights with me sometimes literally if he is really angry he bangs his head off the bed frame or wall (whichever takes his fancy that night) and then he will sit at top of the stairs screaming at the top of his lungs and banging his feet on the floor (I bet my neighbours hate bedtime as much as I do) this can carry on for up to an hour and a half some nights are worse than others, and then once he is peacefully sleeping and may i add again resembling an angelic being I wait for the next wake up , he will wake in the night between 3 and 5 times crying, he has very bad nightmares which visibly scare him and he wants to be in my bed, now I have battled with this issue for a while and there was a time when I would let him in my bed in order to get some sleep for both of us, however  I do feel that he is of an age now where he needs to be in his own bed and sleeping through the night, I am however, still in the process of developing the necessary skills needed to implement this effectively and with success! So tonight much to my delight he went to bed without a fuss (this has not happened in over a year ) and so far he has not stirred (also very unusual ) and look at me I am wide awake and so desperately wanting to take advantage of some much needed sleep!!! How frustrating, my mind is going ten to the dozen tonight and my thoughts are very cloudy and erratic!!! I maybe need some calming whale song or something to calm me down!!! Why oh why is this happening .... please brain switch off..... no seriously switch off!!!!

As I say there is no point fighting it and so I am going to have a long night awake so thought I might as well share my frustration with you all, in the hope that there are people out there who have this trouble or people who have managed to turn there little one's sleep habits around and successfully achieve a full night of rest???

A great night in spoiled by a huge spider....thank god for dry shampoo!

So , tonight I had some friends over and my boyfriend and his son , the boys played really nicely and we cooked and chatted and was a lovely chilled out night. I think it was so chilled because I can fully relax at  my house and not worry about little man breaking things or getting into bother (maybe worth pointing out here that my other half's family don't think my little boy is very well behaved and for some reason when we r with them he can be a little monkey, however no worse than any other child!!) , so anyway with a nice relaxed at ease mummy we had a very pleasant evening, he even went straight to bed which never ever happens. I decided I wanted to get comfy in bed and have a browse online until............... I felt eyes upon me and when I turned round there was THE biggest spider ever on my wall, it had a big hairy body and massive long legs (by the way am absolutely scared stiff of creepies!). Panic set in and although the poor guy was not doing any harm he looked so menacing and I just could not take my eyes off him no matter how hard I tried, i just knew I would never be able to sleep with him up there. I even contemplated giving him a name to try and make myself like him.... that didn't work either . And so operation spider assassination began!!! I contemplated getting the vac out and hoovering him up but the aftermath of little man waking up was not an attractive thought, I couldnt reach to trap him in a glass which would have been the more humane thing to do (I apologise profusely to any spider lovers here but I am sure he was not the first and will not be the last)and so I looked round the bedroom for weaponry! air freshener.... he didn't like it but it didn't do anything but make him smell nice, deodorant nope that didn't work either ,,,,,,,, and then .... low and behold like a knight in shining armour the dry shampoo!!!! It knocked him straight off the wall and I was able to pounce with a glass and get rid out of the window!!! Phew!!!I just hope he warns all his spider friends to stay away (that's if he survived the drop!).

And so , my pleasant evening did have a blip but the dry shampoo save the day , as always because it is now not only great for rushing in a morning to get myself and little man ready but it is great at fighting the battle against creepies in my bedroom!!!!

let's set the scene and introduce ourselves!

Being new to blogging I will set the stage for you to get to know us! I am a single mum to THE most amazing 3 year old boy in the world. We never have a dull moment and I am trying my best to be the best I can and learning as we both grow up!

I sometimes cant sleep because I have so many thoughts circulating in my head, worries, fears and aspirations for both myself and my little man! I really hate the stereotype that is sometimes attached to you when you are a single mum, I have tried and experienced all sides of being a single mum and trying to get the best possible life for us, I have stayed at home, worked part time, worked full time, studied and worked etc and I really think that nobody should judge the decision you make and label you , it is so important as a mum to find your niche, discover what you are good at and enjoy and pursue this in order to fulfil your potential and therefore show your children how to be happy and how to work towards what they want!

My little boy has had a few ups and downs so far in life, he has skin problems, allergies, anaemia and refuses to sleep, and so you can imagine the dramas in our house coupled with the fact he is a monkey at the best of times, don't get me wrong it is hard work but I would not change it for the world, you have to take what is thrown at you in life and do your best.

At the moment he is in full time nursery and I am working full time, I was unable to continue with my studies as the course placements were extremely demanding time wise (13 hour shifts) and there was no stable routine for my son and it really affected his behaviour and he struggled to cope with not knowing whether he is coming or going and so I had to make the difficult decision to leave uni and get full time 9-5 work to support us. I feel that it is important for me to work, I have been criticised for working full time by some people who think he should be with me and not at nursery full time, however , it is important to me to earn my own money and provide us with a good lifestyle and also for me to have some sense of self worth, which I get through work, this may sound selfish to some but when he grows up I want him to have values and work for what he wants ion life and not expect things to be handed to him.

I think that as his dad does not live with us we do have issues surrounding discipline ! He does not listen to me and seems to have little respect for me when I ask him to do things, this behaviour manifests itself mainly at night time, I have tried all the supernanny ideas (naughty step, returning to bed etc) but my little man is so unbelievably head strong( a littl elike me i think) that it can be an all night battle , and so I am always on the look out for tips on managing challenging behavious(hint hint), putting his behaviour aside he is a very bright little boy and never ceases to amaze me and so hopefully this indicates that I am doing something right!! :)

The purpose of  this blog for me is for me to have an outlet and put things down in writing to try and keep my head clear and focussed and hopefully put my life into perspective  a little bit , as sometimes you cant see the wood for the trees can you?? and sometimes things are not always as bad as they seem, I also want to use it to keep a record of the progress of our life as we have just come out of a difficult period (daddy leaving, starting work, little mans health probs and family illness) and so at thje moment things are just beginning to come back around and it would be nice to see our progress on paper so to speak .

I also have a man in my life who I have been seeing for just over a year but we are far from being a family unit as yet, he has a child the same age and this also is a learning curve for all of us and so it would be nice to see if this situation improves!!!

I shall keep you all updated on our little soap opera of life and see if this helps to clear my mind :)